I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
