Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
