She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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