her vagina looked like bernie madoff
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
