so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
