i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
