I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
