you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Send help, water and tortillas.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
