I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
