There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
