so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My balls are so social today.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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