all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
