Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just pynch a tree in the face
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
