none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
