there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
