Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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