Are we in a gay sports bar?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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