i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
