Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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