i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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