Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
