I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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