I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
ugly people sure do ruin things
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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