i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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