dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
