another moral hangover. fuck.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
