So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
