He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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