thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
