Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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