that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
