i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
