I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Welp...herpes.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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