areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
