Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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