The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
