i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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