I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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