I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
