saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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