So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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