Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
