god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I have post one night stand depression
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