I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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