We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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