I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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