He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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