I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
