Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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