Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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