God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
